While many people would (fairly or not) disagree with Amber’s decision to give oral sex at 14; it’s pretty telling of society’s view of women that the criminal act of distributing this video is being overlooked in order to slut-shame a young woman. Amber, in the eyes of many, is the monster here, not the kids who exploited her. And why aren’t we talking about the boy receiving oral sex, too?

It’s easy to label Amber as just another slutty girl who was looking for attention. When we position her as a “bad girl” it’s easy to think that she’s not our child, or sister, or cousin, or best friend’s sibling — or maybe even just like ourselves.

I knew plenty of people who were doing what Amber did when I was 14 — and I’m willing to bet that plenty of you did, too. The only difference is that our exploits were shared only via gossipy whispers rather than via YouTube. This new risk — and Amber’s heartbreaking story — proves that parents of young boys need to be teach their sons, now even more than ever, that female bodies and female sexuality are not theirs for the taking… or taping.